In the last 3 or 4 years I have been on a mission. A mission to become a better me. After coming out of a few bad relationships and some horrible friendships, I realized I needed to change some things in my life. I dramatically clung to the hopes of being drama free and happy. At first, I thought it was all in my head. Surely there is no actual drama and I’m just making it up. Then I thought maybe I was the one actually causing the drama. “Drama follows me.” I’d say to myself. Once I sat down and analyzed my life I realized it was the people and things I surrounded myself with that was keeping my life a big bowl of headache. Here are 3 ways to be a happier you.
Lose the Friendships
Picking friends can be hard sometimes. I’ve struggled with this a lot. A part of me hated the drama but there was something about those people that kept me coming back to them. Maybe I admired something about them. It didn’t matter what it was, the drama drove me mad all the time. I became upset constantly and I even went into a solid 4 years of being depressed. I didn’t want to leave the house for the fear of seeing these people and it just forced me to have no will to get out.
It was really hard because we all want people to like us. We are taught that the more friends you have the better of a person you are. That’s not always true. Friendships can be shallow and unfruitful. I’ve found it to be far better to have a tight circle than a large one.
Once you’re already apart of a circle it can be extremely hard to get out of that circle. Giving up “friendships” is super hard because no matter how you go about it, someone is bound to get hurt. There have been a few friendships that I’ve tried to step out of quietly by either not hanging out as much or simply removing them out of my contacts. Sometimes that doesn’t go as planned.
“Why do you hate me?”, is a sentence I’ve heard before. That’s always a tricky one to answer, too. I don’t hate anyone. They just aren’t they best people for my life. How do you go about telling someone that they’re too dramatic and actually cause you a lot of issues in your life because of the amount of drama they secrete? There isn’t an easy way.
“Just ignore it.” Ignoring things won’t help. Those people are still in your life and somehow effecting you and your ability to move towards a better life. The best thing I’ve ever done was removing someone out of my life completely. Don’t be afraid to do that. It might get messy but that just proves your point!
Let go of Relationships
Whew! Relationships are hard enough without extra drama of wanting to never talk to them again. Now, I don’t disagree that past partners can still be friends. I’ve seen it work out before! Those aren’t the relationships I mean. I’m talking about those relationships where someone hurt you terribly and you stalk their social media.
Do yourself a favor and quit torturing yourself. Nothing good will come of you seeing what the other person is doing long after your breakup. You don’t need to see their current life or who they’re with. You don’t need to go through old messages or hold on to gifts. Save yourself the pain and let it all go. I know there are times where it will take a while to heal. Give yourself that time to grieve and then move on.
I know it’s hard. I was stuck in an emotional debacle for close to 6 years. That sounds crazy, right? When you have strong emotions towards someone, the grieving process can take longer. Especially if it’s a relationship that went wrong. Not just a ” Hey it’s not going to work out.”, but more like a cheating or abusive relationship. Emotional scars take time.
Don’t prolong your pain. Don’t give power to something that is in the past. One thing I struggle with is letting go. I have an extremely hard time letting go of how people treat me. Mainly if they never apologize about it. Closure is something I believe everyone needs and when you don’t get it, it can be maddening.
Something I believe is extremely hard is learning to not only forgive others but to forgive yourself. Forgive yourself for being nasty towards someone or for holding onto grudges. It’s a part of our human nature to hold onto emotions. Don’t drive yourself insane by beating yourself up over things. As long as you have taken to steps to apologize or make things right with the other person or yourself, then there is only so much you can do.
What do I mean by forgiving yourself? You may of done something where you blame yourself every night for it. Maybe something you said caused someone else to harm themselves or think of less of themselves. Go out there and say your’re sorry and then forgive yourself. You’ll never sleep at night if you don’t.
What helped me to truly move on from these past relationships and situations were to go back to people and talk to them. At the beginning of this year I told myself I was done beating myself up. I was tired of feeling like I was being held down by a boulder of guilt. Does any of this change anything I’ve done or fix what I’ve done to others (or what they’ve done to me)? No. It doesn’t.
What it does do is to help closure happen. If not for you then maybe for the person involved. I went to a variety of people and asked for forgiveness or finally got to say what I’ve wanted to all these years. It was the biggest relief of my life and I am so happy for it. I got responses back from some people saying thank you or I’m sorry. Then, there were a few people who didn’t even reply back. Ironically enough, in the e-mails I was apologizing for things THEY did like I was the one who did it. Though I was a bit upset that they never could admit the things they’ve done, I felt more relief than anything.
I, finally, for once was able to move on. I think that is the most important thing out of all of this. Learning to move on. You can’t be a happier you with baggage and holding onto past relationships or silly things. Declutter your life of the negative and breathe in the positive. You’ll be a happier you for it.