So, I wish I could leave these images without an explanation but I really can’t. I’d like to first say that I do not endorse suicide in any way. Let me explain before you destroy me.
This image was pretty difficult for me to make. It took me about a year to gather up the courage and give myself permission to photograph it. I sat on the idea for a really long time thinking it would never see the light. This image isn’t about suicide per se.
This is the first image in my new series titled “Lucid Dreamer”. I’m wanting to depict the images from my nightmares, hallucinations, and lucid dreaming during Sleep Paralysis. I’m a heavy lucid dreamer. Sometimes I have fun with it and sometimes my fear is so great that I can’t change what’s happening but I can escape it.
This series will be dark. It will show the many ways I’ve escaped my nightmares… shooting myself, jumping off buildings, etc. It’s been the only way I’ve been able to wake myself up from these horrible dreams. Usually if I don’t wake myself up in these ways, I’ll wake up with them in my room. I’ll wake up paralyzed, hyper ventilating, and staring my fears face to face. I’d rather awake abruptly than to go through hours of teetering back and forth between what is real and what is not.
You may be wondering how I know if my dreams are real or not. Lucid dreaming is very specific for me in the sence of things I know that are wrong are VERY wrong in my dreams and I notice it and it wakes me up inside my dreams. Maybe I’m not explaining this very well but it’s me.
I’ve been wanting to get these off my chest for such a long time now and I never fully gave myself the “do it”. I used to be fearless with my photography… I didn’t care and over time I crawled into a hole and allowed myself to be silent. I won’t be anymore.