Absolute Narcissism-Art-Crippling Self Doubt

08 Aug Absolute Narcissism-Art-Crippling Self Doubt

From  now on all of my blogging will be done here on my website. For previous blogs, please go check out my blogspot. I will most likely rewrite some of those blogs as an update. Anyways, I wanted to talk a little bit about humility in the art world but still having pride in your work.

Some things I’ve noticed, mainly referring to photography, is that there are the photographers who work really hard to get where they are. They’ve spent time on social media, building relationships within the industry, and even money going to events and upgrading equipment. Sounds pretty much like what everyone does, right? You’re right. One thing that differs is attitude. No amount of social media followers, money, or expensive equipment can cover up a spoiled personality.

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Humility has always been told to me to not exist in the art world. One time I saw a Venn Diagram that had one circle called “absolute narcissism” and another one that was labeled “crippling self doubt”. The point of intersection was “art”. This really made me think of how I view my art and how people view me as an artist. This diagram couldn’t be more truer. Some days I’ll sit here and say to myself that I am proud of where I started and where I am now; I tell myself how proud I am that I am majorly self-taught; I tell myself how good I am at details, etc.

Then I start to look at my work even more and absolutely want to break down into tears and I start to tell myself I’m worthless and no one would ever want my art. I sometimes convince myself that no one understands my work and they thinks it’s too weird. Somewhere in the middle I find myself again and somehow it makes me feel down to earth.

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I try to never act out either side. When I’m feel confident, I try to uplift others instead of myself. I’ll even get so excited that I start to research more for my future. I’ve seen so many artist who have so much confidence that they tend to get way too cocky. It deflects people. It’s a great thing to have confidence, but when you think you’re the greatest thing on this planet is when you need to sit down and ask yourself “What can I improve on?”. When I’m feeling at my lowest and I think my work is worthless, instead of fishing for compliments, I’ll go through my images and ask myself “What can I improve on?”.

The reason the question is still the same is because if you’re a true artist, then you’re always growing and learning. It’s great to have a certain style and that’s not what I’m talking about. There are plenty of other techniques a photographer can learn whether it is lighting, editing, or even learning how to pose and communicate better. A person who refuses to learn is a person who will never be successful.

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To the artist who always think their work isn’t worth it. Stop right there. There are plenty of people with plenty of different personalities and interests. Saying your work isn’t worth it is also telling someone else that they’re not worth it. One thing I’ve learned the most is that there will always been someone who can connect with your work. Before having a facebook fan page, I was terrified of so many things.

I was scared I was going to be judged, my work wouldn’t be liked, or it would be stolen. You know what? All of that happened but it was worth it. Why? Because I put myself out there and in return I’ve met some of the most amazing people and artists ever. I’ve also was able to have some of my dreams come true and experience things I would of never otherwise. I think the most important thing I was able to experience by getting over my fears is connecting to people who connected to my work. I feel like in the end, the most awarding thing is to know that my work, in some way, has helped someone else not feel so alone.

“Envelop” 2015

Samantha is a conceptual portrait photographer based out of Charleston South Carolina.