SleepingAwakePhoto - 52 Week project 2019 - Duality - Week 5
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Duality

Image Title: "Duality"

Duality

Oh man, I could talk all day about the duality of anxiety and what it does to and for me. I think the main key point is to note that anxiety does not have to win. It does not have to consume you and destroy you. Easier said, I know. Some things I have come to understand over the years is that the mind is a very powerful thing. Even if your mind seems out of control and like you can’t find ground, you can. You can do anything if you jump through the hesitation caused by anxiety.

Anxiety has been the cause of both my failures and success. Sometimes I get so scared about something and completely shut down to the point of actually not being productive at all. Then there are other times where my anxiety gets anxiety. Meaning, I get anxiety over what my anxiety is doing to me that it sort of motivates me to push through and to go into the battle head on. A great example would be how this morning has been for me.

I woke up, feeling like I could do anything. After a good few minutes, my motivation drained and I continued to lay in bed and just think of how I didn’t want to do anything. Then I started to get anxiety about wasting my day and how I had so much I wanted to complete but now I’m already behind because of how long I’ve stayed in bed. I then decided that I wasn’t going to let it win, waste my day and do nothing, and to get further behind on everything I needed to do just because I was anxious of the amount of things I needed to accomplish.

I  stood up.

The hardest part about overcoming anxiety is the first step. It can be anything. For me, it was to get out of bed. That was the first step to my day. I talked to myself and told myself that I needed to get my foot off of the bed. I slowly slid one foot off and then continued to talk to the rest of my body like this. Instead of saying, “You need to go to the bank now!” I said, “You need to take off your night shirt.” I’ve found that if I focus on small tasks when I’m feeling unmotivated, it will help prepare me for bigger ones. So I took of my shirt and put on a new one. I finished getting dressed but didn’t brush my hair. That was too much work.

I grabbed my bag and headed out the door. After you’re already to a certain point, there is no turning back and you have to follow through with what you’re doing. The hardest part is getting up but don’t focus on the larger things at hand, focus on small and easily achievable tasks along the way. If you break anything and everything down like this, it should really help you out on those hard days where you feel like doing nothing.

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