14 Nov Gentle Reminders
Anxiety and depression both go hand in hand. It’s almost impossible to have one without the other, in most regards. For me, I always have to give myself gentle reminders that these feelings are not permanent. I say, “I do have the power to overcome this.” During days where I feel like healing is impossible, I have to remove myself from the situation I’m dealing with and truly analyze what I am feeling.
With anxiety and depression, you’re constantly healing. Anything can reopen those wounds and then the healing process starts again. It’s not an easy road to travel but if you find one reason to live or one thing that makes you happy, chase it. I struggled for a long time trying to find that one thing that made life worth living. Even when I was coping with photography, I still didn’t feel like most days were worth waking up to.
Along the way, through photography, I did find true purpose. I found my voice. I found that my voice can help and heal other people along the way. While I continue to grow and heal, I can help others do the exact same. Once I found that power, I changed. I found myself having lighter thoughts, more laughter, and true healing. It didn’t happen all at once and it’s not as straightforward as it sounds. I spent a lot of time self-reflecting.
I spent a good 6-7 years trying to change my mind, my perception on everything, and my attitude towards many things. I’m not perfect, at all. I slip up and say mean things and judge others. I am selfish. Above all else, I try. I give myself gentle reminders that sometimes trying is the best you can do. It may not always be good but not every day will always be good. This year specifically really tugged at these thoughts and emotions.
I started my Hollow Being series right before my grandmother passed. I never got to show it to her and this year, more than ever, has been filled with anxiety and overcoming just that. The flowers used for this image is called the Gaura. I stumbled across this beautiful plant back in July and it spoke to me. The blooms were delicate and whimsical. The stems were tall and made the flowers dance in the wind. In that moment, I related it to how I was feeling. I felt very fragile, like any moment a huge gust of wind would break me in half.
But also like the Gaura flower, I found myself still blooming in the drought. When starting this series, I didn’t think I could connect so much with so many different types of flowers. I’ve never really seen myself as a true flower person. In fact, I dislike the scent of a large amount of flowers. They smell absolutely awful to me. I’m drawn towards fruity scents over all else. Even so, I found a connection to flowers and a way to express my difficulties through their beauty. They’re my voice for now.