10 Jul Transcend
One of my biggest goals is to transcend my past. While my work does heavily focus on my past, I make it a big point to try and mark it and move on from it. Of course I’m human. I have trauma and things that will always be hard for me to overcome. One characteristic of myself that I am extremely proud of is my proactive nature within my healing.
Something that people miss easily is that things will not happen, go away, or get better on their own. You have to make those things happen. I don’t believe prayer will make these things happen. I believe that prayer provides a level of comfort but should not be used as a place to get answers from. Although, I do see prayer as a form of meditation and reflection and you can find answers to your questions by focusing on those things in which you need help with. But simply wishing them to change will not happen.
Over the years, I have made it a point to face my trauma and fears head on to change my perspective on those feelings and experiences. Sometimes revisiting the past can be painful or scary but for me it’s necessary in order to grow. I have confronted many people in my past that I have felt like I have hurt or who have hurt me. There are even people that I apologized to that did me wrong. I just can’t stand the thought of how things went wrong – especially if I was close to them at some point.
Confronting people was probably the hardest of them. There were a lot of things I had to set my pride aside for and admit. I’m not perfect but that doesn’t justify my actions during that time. There are plenty of things I could have handled better but when I break the situation down I feel like it wouldn’t have mattered. There are just some people who are hellbent on disliking you. This was something that was really hard for me to understand. In my mind, if someone is kind then they should be likable right? Sometimes being kind is very disliked by people.
Another thing I do is to find what I fear and then conquer that fear or at least try. So many times people are scared of things and mostly it is that they’re scared of being outside of their comfort zone. I’ve found so much growth and perspective by living outside of my comfort. To be honest, this can make or break a person but sometimes the timing isn’t quite right. I know there were plenty of times where I’ve tried to do something that scared me but I was only traumatizing myself more because I wasn’t ready. There may be things you’ll never be ready for… I know I have a few.
Accepting the past is probably the hardest of them all. Accepting that what had happened did and that trying to change it in your head will never change what actually happened. I find myself replaying certain events and reliving them only to try and change the narrative and do things that I wish I had done or said. To a point, this makes a person feel good and in control but on the other side it can drive a person insane.
One of my biggest accomplishments is transcending my past and I continue to do and focus on that daily.