02 Aug Creative Anxiety
The last 3 years have flown by so quickly and I feel like I haven’t created nearly as much as I’ve liked to. I often feel like I’m falling behind, running out of ideas, or just not as creative as I once was… like I lost it. I would be so ready to start something new and then I’d get to it only to find out that I didn’t have the time I’d like or the means to get certain things for different ideas. At what point did I forget how to be me?
I thought this for a really long time and even now I still go back and forth with it. I woke up this morning setting the intentions of photographing a lot of images and when I sat down to gather my day, I was swallowed by anxiety. Where do I begin? Will this be as great as I have it in my head? Is this something I can complete today or will I not have an image at all to come out with? I sat there being upset, confused and mentally stunted. Then something very strange happened; A sort of click in my brain. These last 3 years were not full of creative block, it was full of anxiety.
Not only have I been bursting at the seams with ides these years, I’ve been writing them all down and then doing nothing with them. I never went out to photographed them or plan for them. As I sat there staring at literal hundreds of stories I’ve written, I never had creative block at all. Doing this has created another problem that is both good and bad. On one hand I have these ideas that I truly love and on the other hand I have so many ideas that I don’t know where to start.
Which one will be easier to do first? Which one can I personally model for and which one will I need to get a model for? Who around me would fit the image? A year and a half ago I moved and in moving I also left behind my muse. I ran into someone in Charleston that was my muse the entire time I was there. She is adventurous, loves photographing, beautiful, fits all my dresses, down for any photo idea (and let me tell you I’ve put her through a lot… like I put her between an actual tree – haha), and to top it all off… she’s my friend. How does someone get over not being around their muse? I only photograph myself because I’m convenient but I haven’t had the chance to find anyone that has even come close to her.
So, here I am again… left in my thoughts and trying to find a spot in my spinning mind of ideas, to stop and stay a while.